I’m about to sound really ungrateful. like really really ungrateful, but here goes. I Chalcia, truly hates grad school. I don’t even want this fucking degree anymore. every time I think about grad school I get sad & depressed & there goes my entire mood. down the drain.these feelings didn’t just muster up over night, this is something I’ve been struggling with for years, but for the past few months it just keeps getting worse & worse. I truly hate my school & everything about it, and if I wasn’t so close to maybe obtaining whatever this degree is gonna say, I would drop out or transfer & never look back.
I have never experienced this kind of lackadaisical disorganization in my life. From me being misadvised for 3 years & finding out that school counseling isn’t my major (after taking all these extra classes for no reason), to me being pulled out of my internship (first section) location with only 11 hours left to complete (which resulted in me getting an Incomplete as my grade), to me emailing the Dean of the school last year & still having no reply in 2017. Trust me, there’s so much more.
Safe to say since I’ve started at this school I’ve always felt like a step child. All this time & money invested into this degree & I’ve had to fight from the very beginning all the way to this point. I found out I was accepted into the program, days before school started, only because I went up to the office to ask about my acceptance status because I had not yet received an acceptance letter & the receptionist told me I was accepted right there over the counter. I’ve had to pull teeth & send email after email, semester after semester in order to get into specific classes and complete other requirements specific to the school counseling program, only to be told the semester before I’m to graduate that I’m not even in the fucking school counseling program. I even took the exit exam for the school counseling program. Lol lol wow.
My entire world has been turned upside down & I honesty don’t know how to recover from it. This has been affecting me, everything I do and all the decisions I make. Every time someone asks me about school I want to run away & burst into tears but instead I just smile and say it’s going fine. I’ve been lying to everyone about my situation and I’m honestly just tired of keeping this bottled up inside. I am frustrated as hell. While everyone’s counting down the days to graduation, I’m still trying to figure out what my degree is gonna say. but by Gods grace I supposedly only have 2 more classes to take including the 2nd part of my internship & I will be finished in May. Of course Il keep praying & pushing, but right now baby is tired & super discouraged. 😔 pray for me.💕