Diary of a Loner 

[Entry #56]

I see people with close nit families & tons of friends claiming to be loners & I can’t help but laugh. granted you really can’t judge a book by its cover, but why would you want to claim that life when you have all those people around you? & then if you’re surrounded by people & you still feel alone, maybe those people aren’t for you. No? Idk, that something just doesn’t sound right.

growing up as an only child, I spent ALOT of time by myself. or out with my mom somewhere. my mother doesn’t have friends. okay maybe one or two, but it honestly depends on the day. or the season. or her mood. but on most days it’s a no. I think she hates people more than me.
me on the other hand, I used to always want to have friends. my school was really small so I had no need to ‘fit in’, had friends just so I wouldn’t be like my Mammy cause I always thought she was lonely. I used to be so confused as to why she was always by herself, or dragging me with her. Everywhere my mother went, she more than likely had me in tow. every time I would ask about her friends she would be like, “the closest friend I’ve ever had in this world passed away years ago”. that was her story & she was sticking to it. these days she more than likely just calls me. that’s my girl. 

now at 24 years old, I’m a lot like my mother. I do have friends, but just one or two (or 3 or 4). & that to depends on the day or season. (Jk jk) but seriously, I spend a lot of time by myself, by choice. I don’t trust people as far as I can throw them & I can’t throw very far. I enjoy being by myself & doing most things alone. my favorite place is my apartment & right after is my couch. all I ever really need is something green to break down & im good. I never have visitors and i don’t host dinners, parties or sets. Im okay with large gatherings because I have the uncanny ability to block people out. I see & don’t see. very well. I just don’t do people, people are literally ugh. Wow, Il definitely pass 😭

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