Sticks & Stones

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always looked “different”. My head was always big, so was my nose, my lips, my hands, shoulders, breasts and feet. I was always teased for not being skinny and cute like everyone else. I was almost always the biggest one in my class (height and weight). I struggled with my weight, I wore glasses, I didn’t wear name brands & my hair has never seen a perm. One of my exes nicknamed my nose “Morphius”🤦🏾‍♀️ & guys would always refer to my lips as “DSL’s” (dick sucking lips). I was never the prettiest in the bunch, or the skinniest & guys would almost always overlook me. I wasn’t shaped like any of my friends & to this day I still haven’t met anyone with a body type quite like mine. Dealing with all these things made me very self conscious & very insecure growing up.

My junior year of high school I randomly lost a buncchhh of weight. So much weight my mom took me to the doctor because she thought I was sick. I don’t think guys used to notice me until this point. When I graduated from high school, I broke up with my boyfriend (at the time) & I spent most of my undergrad single (but I always had a guy or two on my roster). When I did get into a relationship, I went on birth control and ended up gaining all my weight back. After experiencing a really bad break up and the stress of being in grad school, I began my “Self Love Journey” and started taking care of me. I changed my diet, started going to the gym consistently, came off of my BC and lost mad weight. I started giving myself daily affirmations of positivity. I dressed up and took myself out on dates. I read blogs and articles about self love and began to develop my own relationship with God. I even went to therapy for a while and my confidence grew to the point where I no longer recognized my sad and overweight self. I had grown not only mentally, but spiritually and physically as well. 

Since then I’ve become really comfortable in my skin. My features that once made me uncomfortable and self conscious, are the ones that I now embrace. I love my face because its mine. No one else in the world has it and its the only one I got. I love my body because it took me a while to get to where I am and I will continue being the change I want to see in me. The journey of self love is on-going, you don’t get to a point and then stop. & since beginning this journey, three things I’ve learned are as follows:

Some people are afraid of confidence.

Although these two things aren’t the same, confidence is often mistaken for arrogance. People see someone with what they view as “too much” confidence and they feel the need to bring their self esteem down or in the words of a squirrel, “humble them”. One thing is for sure, when you’ve been through what I been through and still came out on top, theres nothing anyone can really say that would make me question who I am as a strong, black, fabulous, island woman. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but calling me ugly wont make me cry.

Confidence does NOT grow on trees.

You cannot walk into a store and buy a bag of confidence. Confidence isn’t something you can pre-order off the internet or inherit through genes. Confidence is the feeling of self-assurance that come’s from one’s appreciation of their own abilities or qualities. Confidence is something that grows with you and stays with you as you grow as an individual. When you begin to understand who you are and what you have to offer, your confidence increases along with your abilities. Always remember, the key word in “self esteem”, is “self”.

Ignoring, makes some people angry.

Some people do certain things in order to get a rise or a reaction. The minute you don’t give people the reaction they want, it confuses them and they become upset. I was reading an article on written by Liz Ryan entitled, “Five Ways Haters Will Try To Destroy Your Confidence” a while back and the points she made were amazing. The one that stuck out to me the most was that people are going to hate you, even if they only met you one time, because you evoke a fear of reaction in them. “Fearful people hate nothing so much as to have someone less fearful than themselves around”.

In short, when you have confidence, over time you wont care who likes you and who doesn’t, or even who supports you and who wont. None of those things will matter because certainty in self is a beautiful thing to possess. And before I bore you guys to death, always remember,  confidence attracts confidence and that first comes from not only knowing, but loving yourself as well.

Until next time babies!❤️

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