I know I’ve been missing in action, but I’ve been working on some content for you guys; so please be patient with me. This specific topic has been lingering in my spirit for a while, so I decided to share with y’all. I grew up believing that God only blessed people who followed all the commandments & didn’t break any rules. I grew up thinking God wouldn’t want to use me because of my imperfections. I grew up surrounded by church people who seemed perfect (on the outside) or appeared to be following all the rules. As a kid, I felt like once I stayed involved in church and tried to follow all the rules as best I could, I should be fine – God would keep blessing me, and I would be on my way to heaven. I mean, I was the model Adventist on the outside. My ears weren’t pierced, went to church every Saturday, spent every Sunday in Pathfinders, sang in all the choirs, did all the things “good” Adventists do, you know? I was on track to being first in the blessing line.
I know that sounds silly, “blessing line“, but these were the actual thoughts in my head. It wasn’t until I started getting older and began thinking on my own, I found myself asking questions I once asked as a child – the same questions that had still remained unanswered. The more questions I asked, the more my parents thought I was being rebellious. Like when I pierced my ears at 21 or got my first tattoo at 18. My church attendance dropped drastically and I stopped singing in the choir; because I felt like a fraud going to church while “breaking the rules”. My parents couldn’t understand why I was doing all the things I was “trained” not to do because “Train up a child…” right? But that I soon realized was the issue.
Now at age 25 I’ve developed my own relationship with God. Although I’m nowhere near involved in church as I used to be, my prayer life is one like I’ve never had before. Developing my own relationship with God has allowed me to feel pride in my faith. I am much more open and vocal about my relationship with Him. I’ve found my own way to witness to others without having to put on a façade or without feeling like I had to be perfect. I always thought I had to be a certain way, act a certain way, look a certain way, but I was wrong. I can be true to myself and be a Christian at the same time. The Bible is full of stories of “MESSED UP” people (just like me) who God handpicked & chose to do HIS work. People like David, Paul, and Jonah. The thought of not being perfect was pushing me away from God, and what He wanted me to do. It wasn’t until I started looking for Him on my own, did I realize my purpose and that He was willing to use me the way I was. I was always good enough. He always wanted to use me! I never had to be something I wasn’t and feel bad for not doing all the things Adventists should. And who knows, maybe one day I will go back to church consistently and maybe I will sing in the choir, but when I do, it’d be because it’s my choice. It’d be something that I’ve prayed about, something that I’d put my heart into. Until then, I’ll just keep writing and praying. Working on and building my relationship with God, my way. Ever so often I’ll be letting you guys into my head like I just did. I pray someone can relate &/or be inspired. Until next time babies.💕